True or False: “I Just Knew”


"I looked into his eyes and I just knew." Yeah, right.

A recent search in my quest to answer a perennial client question, “How do you know they’re The One?” yielded some predictable results. It appears this very universal – and to those who have not yet known the pleasure, rather pressing – query has provoked very little in the way of academic inquiry. Nobody’s gathering the data, despite an abundance of anecdotal evidence – and much of that is unenlightening, repetitive, and downright useless as a source of information or even inspiration. So many of them also read like love at first sight stories that my natural skepticism kicks in.

Of course, I also remember the two recent studies which found that subjects induced to exchange mutual unbroken gaze for two minutes with a stranger of the opposite sex reported increased feelings of passionate love for each other.

"If I stare at you hard enough, you might just be The One"

In addition, BBC Science reports that New York professor of psychology Dr. Arthur Aron conducted a related experiment in which he “asked two complete strangers to reveal to each other intimate details about their lives. This carried on for an hour and a half. The two strangers were then made to stare into each others eyes without talking for four minutes. Afterwards many of his couples confessed to feeling deeply attracted to their opposite number and two of his subjects even married afterwards.

I’m in no position to conduct my own study currently, never mind publish it – my crack web designer and programmer is still busy making our polls look as pretty as they should. But I am in a fairly unique position to judge the quality of such true-life tales. So I want to hear from you, lovers – particularly those who are currently enjoying smug soul-mate status with somebody special.

But for love’s sake, please don’t tell me “I looked into his/her/their eyes and I just knew.” Because seriously – while that may have been when the moment of realization dawned, unless you were hypnotized, you should be able to recall some of the details leading up to that instant.

What did The One (or as I prefer to style it, The One You Chose) do or say just before you “just knew”? What time of year was it? What were you wearing? What were they wearing? Did you have to pee? Could you smell anything funny? Or did it really just hit you then and there? And if that’s the case, how on earth did you recover from, and cover (or reveal) that realization? Come now – dish the dirt here, or in the (moderated) comments. Give us some hope. Bonus points if you met them online. I won’t publish everything, but I’ll read them all – that’s a promise.



8 Thoughts on “True or False: “I Just Knew”

  1. sam dafoe on June 5, 2012 at 2:29 pm said:

    though i can’t say i’m keeping a position of smugdom, something that someone did recently on a first date that really made me think “hey, this one might be a keeper.” was taking a leak discretely in an alley way to impress me (i had admitted during the date that a successful night out for me involves peeing in alley ways in some sort of territorial animalistic fashion.) not many people can put themselves together in a charming skirt, hold engaging and challenging conversation, overlook my randomly inviting my room mate and several backpackers she had in tow on our first date and pee in an alley way. needless to say, it’ll take me a while to get over that.

    • These are the kind of details I like to see. Useful and memorable. Thanks for sharing that, Sam!

      It would have made an incredibly compelling story had it worked out, too. Next time, don’t invite anyone else. A first date – much like a slow jam at the roller rink – is for couples and backwards skaters only!

  2. John on June 5, 2012 at 8:39 pm said:

    Nice looking poll!

  3. Jord on June 5, 2012 at 9:15 pm said:

    I “knew” the first evening I met my future husband. I had been on a lot of really bad dates and had basically given up. Then, one night after getting rained out of a volleyball game, ended up playing basketball with some friends who brought another friend. We played basketball and volleyball all evening, and at the end all of us grabbed some beer and pizza and hung around my apartment. He was nice, and cute, but didn’t seem that interested.

    Then, just as he was leaving, I reminded him to take his beer with him (he’d bought a lot!), and he paused and said, “It’s okay, I’ll drink it next time I’m here” and left. Then, I knew, and told my friends so.

    Turns out I was right.

    • Wow! That’s an awfully cute story – and instructive, too. A man who purchases a lot of beer, then takes it home with him probably doesn’t make a lot of hearts flutter. A man who purchases a lot of beer and leaves it in your fridge – now that’s husband material. Congratulations, Jord, for spotting the difference!

      But seriously – what a great way to express his interest in you, and cement a follow-up meeting without having to fumble for numbers, etc. That’s not a trick you’d roll out for just any friend-of-a-friend. I’m willing to bet he “knew” something about you, too. :)

      • Jord on June 17, 2012 at 3:34 pm said:

        You’re right Anne! Apparently he did know. The next day he told his coworker that he had just met his next girlfriend. It all fell into place pretty quickly after that!

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